I’m over-extended – how about you? Every week I promise myself to leave some rest time, and every week it fills up. Sometimes with things that are urgent, often with things that are only urgent because I think they are. I wake up early, and generally my brain and body function well in the morning. I go through the morning routine, and settle in to making the mandala. Today it features pansies, the first flower I remember knowing the name of. All good. I have my cup of coffee. Even better. Then a business meeting to help get me ready to send out the invitation to the group show in April, at Toby’s.

Still good, except a little voice starts telling me I haven’t completed the reading for the Standing Up for Racial Justice (SURJ) series of workshops I’ve signed up for. It’s from 2-5 this afternoon, with an additional four meetings over the next 5 weeks. Now things are not so good. We will be having lunch with a dear friend in Petaluma, and I get it, deep down, that I am over-committed, over-extended, and overwhelmed. I say yes to too many things, good things, but too many.

Early morning light, March 14, 2021

So I take a few deep breaths, and decide to forgo the SURJ training for now. I send the organizers and dear friends I was going to do it with an apology – I’m sorry, I’m over-whelmed, over-extended, and I just can’t do it. Still not so good. I’ve been taught that you should never let people down, that if you say you’re going to do something, you must do it. More deep breaths.

We go to Petaluma, and have a lovely outside visit with our old friend Nan. I peek at my phone and see that the SURJ organizer and my friends have written me kind, compassionate, understanding responses. Slowly, I let go of the guilt. Getting better. I’ve still got a lot to do to get the word out about the show at Toby’s, but it will get done. I work with the photos I took this morning, post to social media, and now here. Thanks for listening. I’m sure some of you have had this experience too. Would love to hear how you handle this tendency in yourself. I am clear that it’s self-induced.

Pansies, daisies, horsetail fern

This Post Has One Comment

  1. Janet Robbins

    “Dinna fash yerself, lassie”, is what the Scots would tell you! But your struggles do resonate with me. Something about a Catholic school upbringing for me–“guilt” always popping up! I got myself so over extended at times, I sometimes wonder now what in the world I was trying to prove. In the last few years, though, I have finally found it’s okay to say “no, I can’t do that right now”. Kind of like moving from the A Team to the B Team. And the B team keeps me plenty involved and busy. Keep breathing! I’m so looking forward to your show. And, finally, beautiful early morning photo! xo

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